Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Chef Michael


I came in from a busy day of tapping and visiting teaching to find Michael in the kitchen following a recipe he had on his ipod for making bagels from scratch! This is the third solo kitchen experience he's had. He finds his motivation in baking to share with the students in a math class at UT. He first baked brownies, next chocolate chip cookies. Both were big hits in his class and with dad and me, too. But I am especially impressed that he has made such delicious bagels. Working with yeast can be tricky! He needed to form the bagel, let them rise, boil them, and finally bake them. They were scrumptious! Lucky Math Class!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Honor

I received Gilead, a Pulitzer Prize book from my son, Brian, for my birthday. Its set in Iowa and is a novel written like a letter from a father, who will soon die, to his seven year-old son. The author does a remarkable job weaving a story into the things he would like to tell his son. For me one of the most poignant points he makes in his book is the love he has for his son. Here are a couple of quotes:

"I'm writing this in part to tell you that if you ever wonder what you've done in your life, and everyone does wonder sooner or later, you have been God's grace to me, a miracle, something more than a miracle. You may not remember me very well at all, and it may seem to you to be no great thing to have been the good child of an old man in a shabby little town you will no doubt leave behind. If only I had the words to tell you. . . . I suppose you're not prettier than most children. You're just a nice-looking boy, a bit slight, well scrubbed and well mannered. All that is fine, but it's your existence I love you for mainly. Existence seems to me now the most remarkable thing that could ever be imagined. I'm about to put on imperishability. In an instant, in the twinkling of an eye." (p.52)

Those words jump out of the page at me. I first thought of my own children and how much they mean to me! And then I reflected upon my mother, who died May 2008. I miss her. Every phone call and visit was cherished by her. I really didn't have to say much or do much--my accomplishments didn't need to be great. She was happy just to be with me. It seemed she truly did love me for my existence. This has to be unconditional love or honor as the author calls it when she revisits these ideas on page 136!

. . . the Lord has given most of us someone to honor--the child his parent, the parent his child. I have great respect for the uprightness of your character and the goodness of your heart, and your mother could not love you more or take greater pride in you. She has watched every moment of your life, almost, and she loves you as God does, to the marrow of your bones. To that is the honoring of the child. You see how it is godlike to love the being of someone. Your existence is a delight to us. As for the child honoring the parent, I believe that had to be commanded because the parent is a greater mystery, a stranger in a sense. So much of our lives has passed . . . (p 139) Every human being is worthy of honor, but the conscious discipline of honor is learned from this setting apart of the mother and father, who usually labor and are heavy-laden, and may be cranky or stingy or ignorant or overbearing. Believe me, I know this can be a hard Commandment to keep. But I believe also that the rewards of obedience are great, because at the root of real honor is always the sense of the sacredness of the person who is its object. . . When you love someone to the degree you love her (your mother), you see her as God sees her, and that is an instruction in the nature of God and humankind and of Being itself.

I've gained a new insight from these words. The commandment to honor our parents may actually be the way we begin to learn that every human being is worthy of honor. Honor is "the sacredness of the person". Our families are workshops to learn how to honor and love others. Its remarkable to me that we have to learn the hard part as children first, then we get to do the easy part as parents later! To honor one's children is so, so easy. To honor one's parents is the fifth commandment, but I always thought of it more simply--to follow their counsel and respect their authority. There were times in my life when I felt conflict about it. One obvious example is when I joined the Church against the counsel of my parents. But to contemplate "the sacredness" of my parents changes my perspective. As stated in the book, parents can be difficult to figure out. And, yes, they can be cranky, overbearing, stingy and ignorant! Especially as we're growing up and trying to figure out who we are. As I became an adult and could see my parents as individuals, I was freed to learn to love them more as individuals. But, I know I'm guilty of not being able to honor them at times.

When I went to Iowa to help my brother, Bill, attend to my mother's needs after a surgery, it was very easy to honor my mother. I deeply sensed the sacredness of her and felt in awe that my presence gave her such comfort and that her comfort and safety was somehow in my hands. I stayed there in Boone a couple of weeks, and when I had to leave to return to Knoxville, my mother told me that she wished I didn't have to go and I felt the same way. The relationship of mother and daughter was something we were both relishing in. I truly felt her sacredness. While the staff at the Eastern Star Home were good to her and saw to her needs the best they could those last few months, I wish it could have been me who had been there with her. Since her death in May 2008, there are times I wish that I could have known her better as an individual, but I can say that I honor her. I'm grateful to have been able to take her name to the temple and perform the temple ordinances in her behalf. Oddly, I couldn't perform the ordinances word perfect that day. I would have liked to have done it perfectly for my mother, but its okay. If anyone could overlook it, my mom could.